Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
