Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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