Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
