hotel room ftw
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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