I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize