One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
