I have demons in me.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
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