her facebook's as public as her vagina
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
