u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
