there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
