A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
