i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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