You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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