Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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