God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize