During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize