Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
