dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
