A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
