Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
