Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
