my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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