The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize