your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
