You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
