Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
