Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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