Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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