Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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