so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
