dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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