woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
