farters have to be the big spoon...
cat food counts as protein by the way
porn star boner night. come get it.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
