i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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