i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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