At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
