Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
