Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
