is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
