Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
