No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
