Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
