he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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