Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
