he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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