I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
