it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
