HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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