no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
