I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
