you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Your penis caused this!
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
