Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
zippers are such a cool invention
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
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