dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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