i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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