i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
