Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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