using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
