this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
