My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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