Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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