well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
