all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
