New invention idea: vibrating tampons
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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