spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize