My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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