remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
