worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
