i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
