I need to stop coming to work sober
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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