we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
