it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
