yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
